Balance

  So I wanted to talk Balance today.I haven't been posting because my world seems off balance and I am trying to restore order. I feel overwhelmed, frantic and lost at times. My thought process continues when I should sleep. I think of all the things I should be doing all the time. My eating habits suck because I am too tired to think of any meal of the day. I think most people can relate. We try do do it all and become disappointed when we don't do more. I get through a tough day at work and all I can think of I should workout and I shouldn't be buying takeout. So here I am on my weekend off relaxing whenever I want and asking myself "What can I change to get some harmony and grace back into my life?"

 Let's talk work I LOVE my new job. It's challenging, I am around books and magazines all day and I don't stop for anything but breaks. Balance here...it has to be eating better lunches, having lots of water and more tea less coffee. New shoes again. Slow down and focus on one..maybe two things at once. As I get more comfortable in my job things do get easier. In that way it becomes less stressful. But I know I can do things to keep myself calmer and feel alot less frantic.

 My family. I am VERY fortunate to have a husband who is so happy that I love my new job. He also helps alot around the house. If he didn't do that I would lose my mind. When I come home he has feed himself, Josh and Josh's playdates..lol. He does the laundry, he shops and cleans the house. Am I  bragging? No I am grateful. My biggest downfall with my family is my own mind. Guilt. Guilt is one of my greatest foes....besides sugar.I feel guilt for everything. Its so ridiculous because no one puts this pressure on me but myself. I have been trying really hard to put things in perspective when I fall into "Tanya Guilt." I try to stop, breath and put it in perspective. My perspective can be a little outrageous sometimes. My balance for family is this enjoy the time I spend with my boys. John and I talked about working out at night sometimes together instead of TV. When Josh and I have the day together enjoy, slow down and listen. I found a couple of week ago when life was REALLY busy that the time I would spend with him I was frantic. That's the word frantic. I was thinking of everything I had to do and trying to get it all done. He would want my attention and I would be snappy. (that's a word in my dictionary) I would get to the end of the day and feel guilty because all he wanted was for me to listen and pay attention. So I have been slowing down with him and focusing on just him. He is a happy boy and this is the time he wants time with me and I am going to enjoy it. I am going tho lose the snappy and frantic.

  Diet. This one has been so far down the list the past couple of months. The thing is I know this one will help me cope with stress better. But its always the first one to go. I am still following a plant based diet. What I am finding is when I am tired that old fast food habits creep back. The thing is I have been doing plant based for a year and a half. Do I still love it....yes. What I am finding is that when life gets really stressful and I am tired that I CANNOT think of anything. It sound  like a cop out but its not- I can stare at things in my kitchen and my brain is done for the day. I am still learning. My brain knows what I did for 39 years and sometimes the new paths aren't strong enough yet. So what did I have a cheeseburger ..twice. Why am I posting this. Because I enjoyed it. I told myself this is a choice I made to change my diet. I NEVER want it to be something I have to do and I do this because I feel great and I really do like it. My plan is not to change but I need to figure out some solutions for the days that are crazy (retail at Christmas) and the days that I am stressed. I have tried some great recipes lately salt and pepper tofu, baked tomatoes, sage and roasted butternut squash, roasted broccoli. These are on my days off when I have a chance to slow down. So I have to have a plan for the days I work. The the days I work are long and I work 6 days usually to get the two days off I need. Day 5 is my brain dead day.That's where the planning need to be.

  Exercise. oh exercise. Nothing .Nada. Zilch. The past months I have had a walk or two but not one weight. No yoga. Not enough walking. I think this is the thing that frustrates me so much. I need it. I feel stiff and irritable. I know it because I have to move. My hip has been good it has been sore lately but I think the new shoes will help. The foam roller is a god send.Seriously go buy one it will change your life. It hurts but the love you get back from your body.AWESOME. To be honest I have no plan yet. My mornings are early already 5:30 or 6:00 and I am damn tired when I get home. I am joining a yoga studio for my birthday. Once a week to enjoy a class  . Walking ...I NEED to get outside. The fresh air and the way Ifeel after.Priceless. I will make it wok. I have to schedule it in.

 Spirituality. This means different things for me. I talk to God all the time. I ask him to send angels for different things. Like for Josh going to summer camp for a week by himself. I asked for a camping angel....an angel who likes to camp and keep him safe. I feel lighter and strength from within when I ask. I always feel confident in knowing that there is an angel for everything. I ask God for guidance..... but he is a very busy guy.lol. I have been really paying attention to feeling grateful for what I have. When I am walking I hear the birds, I feel the sun and see the beauty around me and say thank you!! Breath...I have been deep breathing in the car. If I feel stressed I deep breath. I am also doing this with Josh for a minute every night. I think kids need to learn they can control alot of things with breathing. Mindfulness..to me its paying attention.Slowing down and focusing. In a beautiful book I reading  " Be the miracle" by Regina Brett she has a chapter and in it she talks about practicing loshon hora (any form of speech -gossip included-that may cause damage such as mental anguish, financial loss, physical pain, tarnished reputations, or the lowering of someones esteem in others eyes.) So its called putting the brakes on loshon hora. This is going to be a hard one but I think it will do wonderful things for my spirit. I don't need to hear things about others that aren't in the room. I don't need the rush that comes from the bonding of gossip, I don't need to feel witty or impress others.Is this going to be hard ...heck ya!!!! But I think in a world where we seem to think we know everything about another person I want to share the good not the gossip. If you want a beautiful book this is the one. I do a lesson a day. This was lesson 34 and I think it makes so much sense.

  So the postings on my blog may change a bit this year. This is going to be my 41st year on this earth. I am going to do some exploring about myself this year. I am still going to share my advegtures but it is going to be a different adventure this year as well.I hope you find yourself well and Happy Fall everyone.Kindest regards and thoughts Tanya.